rain of sand

there’s nothing to see

change one thing
and another
change a life
yet it’s all the same
there’s nothing to see
but how things are different
but how they’ve always been

like how i am
a new version of who i was before
different but in the same skin
skin that records all the time
that wastes by
that i let pass through my hands
like hourglass sand

but no one can flip it
upside down again
cause we’re all stuck inside it
sand pours down
but we like to ignore it
cause it’s always there
and so are we
until our time to drown in it

there’s nothing to see
’cause we’re not looking
’cause we can’t see all the chances
we didn’t take
or all the times we didn’t try
but that doesn’t mean they’re not there
staring back at us
don’t mistake it
they want us to be better

so don’t try to hold on to the sand
don’t try to collect it
’cause it must fall
and you’ll fall with it
so look through the glass
this isn’t all there is

things have changed so they can keep on changing
though some stay the same
like the sand does
but each grain tells us to look forwards
not back
because all the fallen sand is gone
yet more continues to fall

it’s not the end
and there’s still so much to see

a thought

tend to your own garden

i feel like a ghost slowly becoming material again, but still flickering transparent. hesitating because it remembers somewhere the things that killed it in the first place, but trying to know it’s different.

it’s like i have to remind myself to stop thinking the time before the sunrise is the dusk instead – it looks the same but means something different. or maybe it’s always been the same and i’m hoping to find the daylight that stays light. or something.

i wish i could stop confusing myself in everything. cause it’s simple. if it’s not then youre thinking about it the wrong way. thinking is the problem. i dont know. i just wish we’d all stop trying to figure every tiny little thing out by ourselves. look outwards. share the good, share the bad.

i want to change things. i want to pull up the weeds and plant flowers in their place. but then i remember you have to change yourself before you can expect to change anything else. why go out to tend someone else’s garden when your own is a mess? it sounds simple. but it also sounds like fix yourself, but then everything else looks like its stopping that and suddenly perhaps nothing is simple.

but it has to make sense one day – just not today. which hurts because, what do you do now? but it’s soothing cause it isn’t just a tangle with no answer. it will be sorted in the end. how you get there looks like tricky unknowns now, but maybe its worth remembering that you can’t think about tomorrow’s work if you haven’t done today’s. you can’t plant the seeds before you’ve prepared the soil, you can’t expect to see anything growing tomorrow if you haven’t planted anything today. maybe this is a different argument.

sometimes there’s no good place for a flower to grow, but it will grow anyway.
sometimes a seed can have everything it could possibly need, but it stays dead regardless.

either way, its not worth worrying about. all you can do is plant the seed.